I'm Not Pregnant....

...But my best friend, Amanda is! Amanda, my friend of 27 years, my matron of honor, my confidante and all-around good buddy has been trying to get pregnant for the last couple of months. She and her husband, Chris, have planned this, and being the great organized person that she is, the planning worked. I've been hoping that I would get a phone call telling me that she was pregnant. My mom spoke with her last week and asked if there was any baby news and her response was, "there's no news to share". She left me a message today to see how my job was going. I called her back and asked immediately if she was pregnant. She also said to me, "there's no news to share". Then the conversation took a turn:

Amanda: "Are you near a computer? I have the funniest e-mail to send you."
Me: "Yep, send away"
Amanda: "Okay, sent. Did you get it?"
Me: "Yeah, I got it, what is that?"
Amanda: "What does it look like?"
Me: "I don't know, a butthole?"
Amanda: "Come on, my smart friend, look at it again. Ask Sam what it looks like."
Me: "Sam, what does this look like?"
Sam: "It looks like a jellyfish....or a baby"
Amanda: "What's that last thing he said?"
Me: "A baby?"
Amanda: "Yeah?"
Me: "Oh my God! You're pregnant?!?!?!"
Amanda: "You're looking at a 5 week, 3 day fetus"

I can't convey how excited I am for Amanda and Chris. She is due on August 29th. And even though she's concerned that my writing about this may jinx it, I had to share my excitement. I wanted this to be on "paper" so that we could remember it always and tell her kid that I thought his/her first sonogram looked like a butthole! Since I wasn't expecting her to be pregnant, because she basically told me that she wasn't, and since she told me she was sending me something funny, I was completely thrown off. Had she just sent it to me with no explanation, I totally would have caught on that she was with child.

Anyway, in addition to the excitement, it's so strange to have someone this close to me going through a pregnancy. I can't wait to see her belly grow. I can live vicariously through her for the next 9 months or so. So, here's my little niece/nephew, butthole. I can't wait to be Aunt Carlye and Sam can't wait to be Sampa to another friend's baby!!

Next Year Better Not Suck!

I know that there are still a few days before the new year, but I really have high hopes. Basically, I don't think that things could really get much worse. I'm hoping that it will only get better. As of today, Marie has been in the hospital since Saturday. She will be there until at least Wednesday, if not longer. She has developed three infections, one from her wound, a skin infection and a UTI. She still has an amazingly positive attitude! She is on 4 different IV anti-biotics, new pain medication and it's possible that she may be diagnosed as a diabetic. This came extremely suddenly and as somewhat of a shock. Even though the chance of infections after surgery is high, we didn't think this would happen to Marie. She was recovering so well...until she started running a fever Saturday morning.

Because I have been working in the Hospice environment, my first thought is to prepare for the worst. I don't like thinking this way, especially with my own family. I like that Marie has provided me with all of her medications so that I can speak with the doctor at work tomorrow. I have spent today trying to make sure that Sam is okay, not worrying excessively, etc. He has been pretty bummed for the last two days and I wish that I could wave some sort of magic wand and make it all better.

Again, I'm hoping for a happy, HEALTHY, prosperous New Year for myself and my family. We're much too young to be dealing with the illness of a parent. My #1 New Year's Resolution is to always maintain a positive attitude. I'm sure that I'll come up with a few more resolutions as New Year's Eve gets closer. I'll keep ya posted...

I Feel So Festive...

Sam and I got up super early this morning thanks to my mom calling and waking us up. We decided to get dressed and walk the neighborhood to see if anything was open. We totally scored. We had breakfast at our favorite neighborhood cafe, Park Cafe, which included French toast (for me), bacon (such a bad Jew), an omelet (for Sam) and a order of corned beef hash (that we split). After breakfast, we toured the neighborhood and went into the little shops that were open. We got a newspaper, got some beer to get us through the day and some M&M Pretzels (a specialty of Regina's Bakery). So, here were are now...Sam's been playing video games and I've been reading James Frey's A Million Little Pieces. At first I didn't think I liked the book, but now, 100 pages from the end, I'm starting to dig it. Tonight we're ordering in Thai food and watching Matchstick Men on DVD. Walking through the neighborhood gave me such a good feeling. People on the street offering holiday greetings and the church on the corner ringing Christmas Carols on their bells. It's nice and warm (well, in the 40's) and raining. And the best part....We don't have to work tomorrow. Gotta run now, we're gonna light the Chanukah candles.

Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah!!

Happy Whatever!

Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Festivus, Happy Winter Solstice....enjoy whatever it is that you are celebrating! And I'd like to add --- Hooray, the Transit Strike is Over!!!!

Sam and I have decided to celebrate in typical New York Jew fashion. Tomorrow, we are going to see a movie (Memoirs of a Geisha) and will be ordering in Chinese Food (or maybe Thai). Sam and I weren't together last year at this time. I was visiting my grandma and Sam was getting really drunk with his friends on Christmas eve. I'm ecstatic that we are together. We are enjoying our time off this weekend. Sam has been playing video games and I have been relaxing and did some walking around the neighborhood this afternoon. New York is treating us to above average weather - the high today was 55!!! We're not getting a White Christmas, but I'd take somewhat warm over miserably cold anyday.

So my co-workers and myself did our Mitzvah's for the year this past week. As a Hospice Social Worker, I work with patients who will be dying in the near future. One of my newest cases is a 39-year old woman who is dying of cancer, leaving behind her six children. Because of her illness, Christmas wasn't going to happen for her family this year. My Hospice Team donated gifts, food and money so that I could purchase gifts for the children. We also had a Christmas tree with all the trimmings donated. And we got a gift card for a grocery store for the family. I got to play Mrs. Claus yesterday and deliver all of the presents to the family. Whether they appreciate it or not (and I hope they do), it made all of us feel really good about it. This holiday season has renewed my faith in the common man due to all of the wonderful donations from co-workers, churches and Eckerds! I look forward to a better New Year!

I (and Sam) wish the world (this includes our friends and family) Peace, Prosperity, Good Health, Good Wishes, etc. for the Holiday Season and the New Year!!!

Love to you All!

The Transit Union Who Stole Christmas

I'm sure that everyone is aware that our unbreakable transit system has shut down due to a strike. As of Tuesday morning we have had to make alternate arrangements to get around the city. Luckily, Sam has been able to work from home. I have been equally as lucky. I don't get to work from home but since we are babysitting my cousin's car, I have been able to drive to and from work. Now keep in mind, our babysitting of the car has consisted of moving it once a week and not driving it. Since we have been in NYC for the past year and a half, I haven't driven the car at all. To go from not driving at all to driving in an area filled with crazy drivers has been quite a transition for me. Granted, I have done well. Driving the car has also allowed me to go on home visits at work.



But back to the reason for the blog...the selfish TWU Local 100! I am so angry that the union could not come to terms with the MTA. It seemed as though the MTA met all the demands of the Local 100 but still an agreement was not reached. And to choose the week of Christmas to shut down, as somewhat of a power play is just horrible. What happened to respect for your fellow man/woman/child? It breaks my heart that people are having to spend up to $50 a day to get to and from work when it usually costs $4 to ride the rails. This expense is taking away from what the working poor might have spent on Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Etc. gifts. Not to mention food and other necessities. And what about those who use the public transportation to get to and from doctor appointment/dialysis, etc. So now that we're all having to find alternate transportation, will we be reimbursed for the MetroCards that have already been purchased that are currently useless?

But the biggest thing that pisses me of...Is the TWU Local 100 striking this week so that they can have a longer Holiday vacation and get all of that pesky Holiday shopping done without work getting in the way? I think that these transit workers are just shopping and enjoying the extra time off, because you can't tell me that they are spending ALL of their time picketing! I could go on and on about how pissed off I am, but I won't bore you with it. I just hope that they resolve this strike soon and that the TWU Local 100 would consider who they're really hurting by striking - Think of the 7 million customers! I'm amazed that riots haven't broken out. Haven't New Yorkers been through enough?!

I Can't Believe I Forgot....

I got my first paycheck on Friday. It took some maneuvering (I had not been added to my team yet) with the payroll department, HR department and Hospice team, but I got a paycheck. I can't tell you how empowering it is to finally get paid for being a social worker. I was pleasantly surprised with the amount of my check but also disappointed that 26.5% is being taken out for taxes. Hopefully I'll get some of that back. So it is official - Sam and I are a dual-income family!!! We're DINK's (dual income no kids).

Life is Back to Normal

Sam returned last night! It is so good to have him back. I feel that life can now get back to normal. His mom is recovering wonderfully. She is able to manage her pain and has family members tag-teaming trips to Houston to take care of her. Sam and I bought her a robe for Chanukah and she absolutely loves it. Our only hope was to give her something that will make her recovery a little more comfortable.

Sam and I spent the day shopping for Chanukah gifts. We hit Macy's and Target and got the majority of our shopping done. Granted, most of the shopping was for each other, but even so, shopping is basically complete. We bought a gift for my parents, which should hopefully make them happy. All the rest of our Chanukah shopping can be done online (woo hoo - props for modern technology!!!).

This past week my job changed a little. I was originally hired for a new research project; however that project is not set to start until January or February at the latest. Due to the many changes that are taking place in my department (Hospice/Palliative Care), we lost two hospice social workers and the "higher ups" are forced to make some structural changes. I was asked to take on a case load of Hospice patients and will begin seeing them next week. Even though this is not what I was hired to do, I am happy to get the additional training and experience and am excited to have a patient load and something to do for the next month that actually benefits my department. I start informal training tomorrow.

In addition to the new job description, I have given myself a countdown to taking my licensing exam. I want to be licensed by the middle of January, just two weeks after my 29th birthday and prior to having business cards printed up for the new research project. I will spend the next few weeks studying and preparing for this exam. Unless something major happens and I forget all of my training, I will pass the exam and become a licensed social worker (LMSW). This is something that I have dreamed of for at least six years. To think that it is so close to fruition is exciting yet very scary. My life is based on long-term goals and this is the one goal that has gotten me through my BSW and my MSSW. Scary to think that it will be realized soon. Guess I'll have to set new long-term goals. I am happy to take recommendations, suggestions and advice as to those new aspirations. Anyone, anyone??

I do have one short-term goal and that is to spend more time working on this blog. This was supposed to be a more consistent journal of my struggles and successes as a social worker. I'll post more after my first day as a Hospice social worker. Hopefully I will follow through tomorrow...

Update!!!

Marie was moved into a room. She was also given a morphine drip so hopefully she'll be able to manage her pain a little bit better. Sam will be bunking at the hospital with Mommo tonight. He's exhausted and is looking forward to some sort of sleep. As of now, if her pain is manageable, she'll be discharged and sent home tomorrow.

More updates tomorrow...

Out of the Woods...And in the Clear

I wanted to report that my mother-in-law made it through her surgery successfully. She's currently in recovery and severely doped up on pain medication. Unfortunately there isn't a room available for her, so she's stuck in the recovery room overnight. The worst part about not having a room is that a family member is unable to stay with her. Poor Sam has been at the hospital since 6:30 am this morning and as of the last time I talked to him (an hour or so ago), he was still there. We are all relieved that Marie came through the surgery without complications. Thank you to those who have kept us in their thoughts and prayers. It has been so hard to be in New York while Sam is in Houston going through this with his family.

Marie - we love you and wish you a speedy recovery!!!

All Alone for the Week

Yesterday morning my husband, Sam, left Brooklyn for Houston for a week. Because of my new job and my various commitments at work next week, I was unable to accompany him. As jealous as I am that he got to go on a week vacation to our home state, he didn't really go for fun. Sam's mom is having a double mastectomy on Wednesday as part of her breast cancer treatment. It is important for Sam to be there, and I understand that, but I miss him terribly. Since Sam and I moved to NYC a year and a half ago, I have not spent a night alone here. Last night was my first night alone and I was not as scared as I assumed I would be. I was even brave enough to go out to the grocery store for food. You may be laughing at me being "brave enough" to venture out, so I'll break it down for you. I am a very independent person. I always have been. When I lived in Austin, I lived alone (prior to Sam, of course). I didn't need anyone and could take care of myself. However, NYC is a different beast all together. I don't really have a close group of friends that I can call on and I don't have family near by. So if anything were to happen to me, I don't really know who I would contact. There's a fear of being all alone that I assumed would overcome me this week.

However, I'm off to a good start. As hard as it was to fall asleep last night without Sam next to me, I also am experiencing a very strange feeling. It's almost as if I'm left at home alone when my parents went away for a few days. I get to watch what I want, which includes being an MTV junkie. I get to eat what I want. Yay, mac and cheese for every meal. I can stay at home on the couch doing basically nothing if I want (well, for the weekend, at least) and I can sit and read, or go to bed early, or sleep late. Not that I don't love being with Sam. That's not what I'm saying at all. But sometimes it's not fun to fight over the remote or worry that I'm ignoring him when I'm sitting on the couch reading.

My plan for today was to go shopping to purchase a pair of brown boots, but it seemed more fitting to sit on the couch watching Harry Potter. The new plan is to go shopping after work on Tuesday since I'll be at training in downtown Brooklyn near my shopping center. Tomorrow I'll be in orientation at work all day, training on Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday are full of meetings. And then there's Friday and then Saturday my Sam will be home.

And then there's Sam...spending the week with his family. He was able to take a little respite trip today to Austin to check in on our house (the renters), see our friends, have dinner with my parents and check in with work tomorrow. As much as I am completely jealous that he gets to spend the week with our precious puppies, I'm not necessarily jealous that he is with his family 24/7 for the next week. It might get pretty stressful for him.

So for all of you who believe in the power of prayer, please keep my mother-in-law in your thoughts. She goes into surgery on Wednesday morning. And please keep my husband in your thoughts...the stress of full-time family might make him crazy enough to snap. And stay tuned for the rest of the junk that I'll be both eating and watching this week.

So far:
Mac and Cheese for lunch and dinner
Pringles
Bagel Chips
M&M's
Coca Cola C2's (I rarely drink soda)

And now...Something Gross

It's amazing the impact that stress can have on your body. Since I consider this a forum to share my innermost thoughts, fears and successes, I will relate the following. So, after three missed periods, four negative pregnancy tests, and some praying, Aunt Flo has finally arrived. Wow, I feel like such a junior high schooler again, calling it Aunt Flo. But anyway, I'm finally surfing the crimson wave. Ha, another really bad euphemism. Over the past three months, I have been scared about my lack of menstruation. At first I thought I was pregnant. Then when it became month two without, I thought maybe I had some sort of tumor that was blocking the flow. During month three, I was convinced it was early menopause. During this three-month wait, I often told myself it was just stress. I had read several articles about stress causing missed periods. I hoped this was the reason. Now I am convinced.

Over the last three months, although I have tried not to show it, the stress of unemployment had taken its toll. It's amazing to me that my body can react in a somewhat protective manner, I guess shielding me from the possibility of getting pregnant. However, didn't my body get the fact that missing my periods was causing me more stress? Again, my "little friend" is here with a vengeance. I'm pleased that I am not menopausal, but also frustrated because, what woman enjoys getting her period?

I'm sorry to share something so intimate and gross with you, but those that are really close to me know how much this has frightened me over the past three months. So, welcome Aunt Flo, please visit monthly. This will serve as a reminder to me to take better care of myself, keeping focused on how stressed I really am.

Random Stuff and Things

I really should do a better job of keeping up with this. Since I started working, I started sucking. In bed by 11:00 pm, up by 7:00 am. I'm really not fun anymore. I'm too tired at night to recount all of the stuff that didn't happen to me during the day. But I thought I'd do some recapping of the past week or so for those who are keeping up.

Last Thursday and Friday I got to go out in the field with the Hospice Team. I'm not on the Hospice Team, but it was to give me an idea of the organization as a whole. It was awesome. Thursday was with a Russian Social Worker and Friday was with a Rabbi. I really need to pick up another language, because I felt real out of place with the Russian-speaking Social Worker and the Hebrew-speaking Rabbi. I felt a little inconsequential as the English-speaking Social Worker. What fun is that? Well, being out in the field was very interesting and it made me much more excited about my job and what I'll be doing.

As for work in general, still not really doing anything. The research project that I was hired for hasn't started yet, so I spend most of my time chilling at my desk reading up on HR policy and trying to find any research on Palliative Care. Today I got to spend most of the time studying for my licensing exam. I kinda feel bad getting paid to study and sit on my ass, but if they don't have a problem with it, I don't have a problem with it.

My Longhorns are kicking much ass! They're headed to the Rose Bowl after stomping Colorado 70-3. I couldn't be prouder to be an alumni/us of the University of Texas. We're Texas, dammit! So now the boys will be playing for the national championship the day before my birthday.

And we had our first snow yesterday. Sam and I went walking in the snowy goodness. I took him to my job and we went grocery shopping and had a great day. It's snowing tonight and I'm hoping for a strong snow so that maybe I won't have to go to work tomorrow. The benefit of working somewhere with lots and lots of commuters.

Once the snow starts sticking tonight we're gonna go out and play, maybe make a snow angel in the street or have a snowball fight. Who knows!!

Enjoy pictures of our snowy neighborhood and me and the hubby in the snow!

I Love NY (I Think)

Okay, this post really isn't about my new job, but I'll comment quickly on it. Three words: I Love It! It's going great. I'm feeling like I really fit in and am so excited about the work that I'll be doing. I haven't really done much except for attending meetings and getting to know the company, but I'm lovin' it. More on the job next week when things start happening.

So now for the real reason I'm posting this. I'm upset, a little scared and somewhat disappointed in the rest of humanity. I really felt that post-9/11 NY was a place where people helped their fellow man. Today on the train on the way home, I watched a young man get viciously attacked by three punks. As the beating/mugging began, the young man yelled out HELP! I'll admit, I was scared and confused and didn't know what to do. But I was under the assumption of power in numbers and was hoping that someone would step in to help him. His crying for help only angered the punks more and they continued to hit him, sending all of the passengers on their side of the car to my side. When the train stopped, everyone in my car jumped off and called out for help. During this time the punks continued to attack the young man and no one stepped in to stop them. It is possible that the punks were carrying some sort of weapon, which I'm sure scared the bystanders. Unfortunately, the punks ran away (or more like slowly jogged) and still no one stopped them. Where were the camera phones? Where were the big strong men to break up the fight? Where were the police officers or the MTA employees? Granted, I didn't step in either, but at least I was willing to give a description to the MTA employee. Luckily the young man was not badly injured and seemed more embarrassed than anything else.

This incident really scared the shit out of me. I felt personally violated and fearful of the fact that if I were in danger, no one would come to my aide. I was shaken for the rest of my trip home and during my walk to the apartment. This really opened my eyes and will teach me to be: a) more observant and b) more willing to help out. I'm a social worker for G-d's sake. I just feel disappointed in myself and in those around me. But to be honest, if any of them were as scared as I was, I see why they didn't step in. Maybe their way of stepping in was to call for help and exit the car. They could have remained on the car and just ignored the beating. I hope that they catch the punks (I think I gave a pretty accurate description) and I hope that the victim is not seriously hurt.

So, a lesson to all of you - be more observant in situations such as these. Be aware of everyone around you and where you can go for help.

Take care...