Embracing My Faith - Day 4

I've always been Jewish, I've always known that.  My mother is Jewish, my grandparents are Jewish, my dad converted, etc., etc.  I went to Sunday school, I went to Hebrew school, I did not have a Bat Mitzvah (though I could have - I was completely prepared), I went through confirmation and post-confirmation, I was active in BBYO, but what does that all mean.  I married a Jewish man and my parents (and grandmother) were thrilled, as were his parents given that his previous girlfriend was Catholic.  My Jewish-ness growing up was limited to family functions and whatever I was learning at Sunday school, etc.  We did not actively celebrate the holidays at home nor did we go to synagogue for services, holidays, etc.  My guess is that most of those things were restricted due to financial constraints, but I digress.  I married into a family of Orthodox Jews, which was almost a deal breaker to me.  Luckily my husband, like myself, had a strong sense of being Jewish but did not currently follow the rules that he was brought up with.  This has allowed us to create and mold our own sense of Jewish-ness together.

Our wedding was a very traditional Jewish wedding (some may disagree but it was much more religious than I ever planned on it being).  It was beautiful and I felt very strongly that the traditions be included and that the ceremony be mostly in Hebrew.  Sam and I have gone to services a couple of times, but hadn't really chosen to belong to any one synagogue.  However, I feel that everything has changed once Elliot was born.  We had a very traditional bris at our home, attended by my childhood rabbi, who I adore.  We decided that we would expose Elliot to his heritage/culture as best we could so that he could have the proper education as to who he was religiously (although I will debate that being Jewish is much more than just religion).

A couple of weeks ago, we were invited to celebrate Pesach with family friends of Sam's, all of whom are super religious (I refer to them as the Super Jews!).  I wanted so badly to have this experience with these people (especially Miriam who I had only bonded with via the Internet), but I was scared to death that I would either make a mistake and embarrass my husband and in-laws or I would be judged that I wasn't Jewish enough, again bringing embarrassment to my husband and in-laws.  This fear culminated in a complete tearful, sobbing, anxiety-ridden breakdown!  Then I shook it off, we spent Pesach with the Rosenblatt's and had a wonderful time and no one judged me!  In fact, I have retained enough ability to read Hebrew that I was able to follow along quite easily with the service.  And apparently all of those childhood seder's stuck in my psyche.  Did I mention that I had creocheted a yarmulke for Elliot which was absolutely adorable?

Following that experience, we (Sam and I) agreed that Elliot was old enough to begin to participate in Jewish activities.  We began to sing the Shema to him every night.  We went to a Yom Ha'atzmaut party at the JCC the other night and this morning we took Elliot to Tot Shabbat at the Beth Israel.  I think at this point Sam and I have decided that we would like to join the Temple that I grew up going to.  We had a lovely time this morning, even running into a girl that I knew from BBYO.

Basically, my ultimate goal in all of this is to bring Judaism into my home through creating our own traditions.  I want to have Shabbat dinner where we light the candles and eat challah every Friday night.  I want to celebrate the holidays and teach my son the meanings of the holidays.  I will send him to Sunday school, he will go to Hebrew school and he will have a Bar Mitzvah.  Hell, I might even have a Bat Mitzvah with him (wouldn't that be embarrassing to my teenage son?!).

So there you have it - I am embracing my faith.  Like our Rabbi said this morning, "Let the children run around the sanctuary, we want to associate coming to the synagogue with fun".  I agree, I want this to be fun as well as a wonderful learning experience! L'Chaim!!