I am such a loser. Seriously! All of the good feelings towards my agency and co-workers were completely obliterated this evening. I thought I was respected. I thought I had friends. Now I know different. I had a going away party tonight. I sent a lovely e-mail to all of my co-workers inviting them to a happy hour tonight to celebrate my tenure at the agency and celebrate the move to Texas. Hell, I even thanked each of them for being my colleagues/mentors/friends!
I chose to have this party tonight because all of the hospice IDT's (inter-disciplinary team) are on Tuesdays. Every single person that I work with is at the office on Tuesdays. I chose to have the happy hour at a location that was near the office. I invited all 88 of my coworkers.
I didn't expect a big group of people to come but I assumed that I would at least have my close friends there. I however did not expect the reception that I received.
Two people! Two fucking coworkers showed up! Not two of my friends, not even two from my department, two random women that I'm not all that friendly with.
Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?
I feel worthless. I feel like that last three years have meant nothing. I feel like I gave them all I had and they gave me nothing. They didn't even care. This whole thing has not been a good experience.
I'm completely devastated and am thankful that there are only three more days left. How depressing. How sad. How un-fucking-believable. Did I mention that I'm shocked?
Now the real question is: how the hell do I act tomorrow when I go into the office? I want to point people out with a chorus of "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you" but I won't. I don't know what I'll do. Should I even go to work? Should I even attend the luncheon tomorrow in my honor that I'm sure that no one will show up for? Should I even be upset about this? Will it matter?
I know that I won't ever see these people again, but I can't help feeling absolutely devastated! I'm crushed! Hopefully tomorrow will be another day and things will be better, but this whole fucking thing just puts such a bad taste in my mouth.
I'm gonna watch some mindless television to take my mind off of this...
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2 comments:
Im am so sorry! I know how it feels to be pushed aside and forgotten, as well as disrespected! I hope you know that there are bunches of us here that are so happy you are moving back(well I know I am!) Those people suck anyways. You are awesome. I know you know that!
Hurry and come home!
Shay
At least the luncheon went well! I would like to share with you the notion that Happy Hours are held on personal time outside the office and some people (like pathetic little me) just can't juggle schedules to attend even the most important parties. Perhaps they didn't realize how important this event was for you. Even I most likeky would have been on your blacklist this morning. The fact that you are able to help write/present at the Austin conference combined with your co-workers that were able to find time to sit and chat with you at today's luncheon should be solid proof that they do indeed value you and your work! We all know what an incredible person you are and what amazing work you do - and now you are getting some professional recognition too!
CAN'T WAIT TILL THE END OF AUGUST to welcome you back to Texas properly, Mrs. Levine
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