Reflecting on 31 Years...

No, I'm not going to recap the last 31 years, I promise. I've just been thinking that 31 is a pretty big number. Chronologically, it seems that I've been around for a long time - 3 decades, straddling two centuries, 11,315 days, etc. However, emotionally, in some ways at least, I still feel that I am in my early 20's. I still feel that I have so much ahead of me, but when I look back, I also have so much behind me. Profound, right? I've accomplished a great deal. Two degrees, bought a house, married the man of my dreams, working in a career that I love, made/making wonderful friends, not in debt (student loans and a mortgage don't count, right?). However, I feel that there is so much more that I want to do. I still have one more degree that I want to obtain and more student loan debt to amass. I want to move back into my house and create a home. I want to hit milestones with my husband like 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years married. Wow, this is really turning out a little more sappy than I had hoped.

What I'm really trying to get to is that 31 isn't so bad. Twenty-nine was difficult and 30 was a bit scary, but 31 - it's nothing! For the first time in as long as I can remember, I was okay that this birthday wasn't going to be a big deal. I didn't feel that it should have to. I had a big 21st birthday and a phenomenal 30th birthday. Thirty-one was spent just how I wanted it with the person that I wanted it to be with.

Yesterday was wonderful! I got breakfast in bed, a lazy afternoon, phone calls and cards and e-cards and facebook messages from friends. I got to see Wicked - and it was all that I wanted it to be. How come I feel almost let-down today? This is the first year that there hasn't been a 30-day countdown to my birthday, which I'm sure Sam is grateful for. Last year's countdown was something like this: "Hey baber, it's 17 days till my birthday, where's my present?" This is the first year where I haven't had a birthday season. Now granted, this has been all of my choosing - I just didn't feel very festive. Sam and I stayed up until midnight Friday night and he and I sang (Happy Birthday to You/Me) and then we went to bed. I did take some advantage of Sam yesterday: "Sam will you go get me this? It's my birthday!"

I think that I'm letting stupid shit get to me.
Stupid thing #1: My biological dad didn't call me on my birthday. He never calls me during the rest of the year, but I can always count on an awkward call on the day of (or the day after like last year). But it's the day after and nothing.
Stupid thing #2: No facebook message or e-mail from my sisters. True we don't really speak, but I remembered both of their birthdays this past year and nothing.
Stupid thing #3: I had to call my grandma first. She is known for calling in the morning and singing "Happy Birthday". By 4:30 pm, no word from grandma so I called her to thank her for her card and gift. Not a big deal, but it's bothering me.
Stupid thing #4: A lot of our friends, who are reminded by facebook of birthdays, or are reminded by the fact that they celebrated with me last year, did not remember my birthday.

Okay, that's out of my system now. I know, it's dumb and I appreciate the forum to vent a little. I just feel like there was no lead-up to my birthday, it was here and now it's gone. Kinda like the holidays this past season. They snuck up on me and I wasn't prepared. Well, better luck next year.

Needless to say, as much as there are things bothering me about this birthday, I have to give mad props to my darling husband, who did everything to make my day special. I even got a couple of surprises - hooray red velvet cake! Thank you Sam for making my day wonderful. Thank you friends and family who remembered and called, wrote, send cards, etc. Thank you B-Luv for the call from Hawaii remembering my special day. I look forward to the next 364 days as 31 and welcome all of the new challenges, surprises and wonderful experiences that are in store.