Oops, I Almost Forgot...

I forgot to mention something that is extremely important to me. I have been keeping this blog and discussing several of my patients over the past few months. I am extremely sad to report that my favorite patient died on May 16th. Because she has died, I can use her name without fear of violating any HIPAA rules of privacy. I'd like to take this opportunity to say a formal goodbye to Patricia Costa. Though I only knew her a few months, she really touched my life. I told one of my supervisors that I was so close to this patient that when she died, I would have to quit hospice.

After a very stressful meeting, I got a call from our nurse that Pat was actively dying. Luckily, I was able to get lunch with Sam after I heard the news. I was able to process it with him and with my mom. Both felt it was important to go see her and say goodbye. I was scared to do this. I've seen dead bodies but have never been involved as the person died. My fear of regret won over and I hurried to her apartment. Unfortunately I was fifteen minutes late - I wasn't able to see her transition, but I was able to say my goodbyes. I sat with her two best friends and her loyal home health aide as we waited for Beverley, one of our nurses, to come over and pronounce the death. It was so calming to be in the room with Pat after she died. I held her hand and told her how wonderful she was and how important she was to me. I told her that I would miss her. I reminisced with her friends while they drank wine and made plans for a party honoring Pat's memory. Even though I knew this was what she wanted, it was hard to let her go. I left her home right before NYU Medical School came to pick up her body. This lady was so damn cool that she donated her body to science. She was so hopeful that she might be the cancer patient that finally found a cure for the disease.

Sam and I had our anniversary dinner near her apartment. As we walked by her building, I thought of her fondly, wished her well and said a final goodbye. As I continue to do this work as the months pass, I am able to spend more time with my patients, get to know them and their families and their hopes for the end of their life. It's never easy to say goodbye, but it's always what the patient wants. This death was very hard for me, but not as hard as I thought it might be. I had to keep telling myself that it's what she wanted. I just feel bad because I had hoped to see her the day before but postponed it, assuming that she would still be around a few days later.

Goodnight sweet Pat, I hope you're enjoying spicy food, cigarettes, good wine and lots of laughs with your husband! Thank you for allowing me into your life...