Chest pains, Hospitals and Gallbladders

Flashback to Friday night.  Sam and I are walking through Academy, trying to find shoes for me.  My chest starts hurting (below my breasts) and I'm feeling somewhat short of breath.  I begin to think that maybe my bra is too tight.  I pull my bra out from my chest and then ask Sam to loosen it for me.  This does not do the trick.  The pain begins to move to my upper abdomen, both sides.  The pain is stabbing and constant, there doesn't seem to be any relief.  We decide to forego the next place we plan to stop and head home.  I take my bra off at the car, which also does not make it any better.  I try laying the seat back in the car, sitting up straight, putting my hands on my head and drinking a diet soda in the hopes that maybe I just need a really good burp.

This pain is something that I have never experienced (so I think, but more on that later),which really scares me.  After asking me several times if I want to go to the ER, Sam begins driving towards North Austin Medical Center.  I ask him to pull over so I can check the hours on the urgent care center.  I didn't want to go to the ER if it was just gas pain or something silly like that.  Unfortunately (turns out to be pretty fortunate) the urgent care center closed only minutes before so Sam continued to drive to the ER.  Once we got inside, I started feeling better (anxiety?) and decided that I wanted to just sit in the waiting room for a minute so I didn't waste any one's time.  After sitting, the pain began to intensify so I got checked in.

A round of blood work, 1 blown vein, an IV and an ultrasound later it is determined that I have gallstones and lots of them.  My assumption is that gallstones can be shrunk or dissolved with medication and I can pass them and everything would be fine.  Unfortunately, gallstones are not kidney stones.  If passed, they can cause a huge infection and even death.  That's not something you want to hear.  The ER doc decided that he wanted to speak with the surgeon, and even if they didn't remove my gallbladder, I was going to be admitted to the hospital for observation.

My reaction? I began crying uncontrollably.  I've never been admitted to the hospital, I've never had surgery and other than back pain, I've never had anything wrong with me.  To make matters worse, my mom is out of town and Sam's catching a plan to Vegas tomorrow for a friend's wedding.  Thank goodness this happened while Sam was still in town.  My anxiety was through the roof.  They offered pain medication but my pain had pretty much subsided so I declined.

I was finally admitted to my room, 402 at midnight.  I was told that I couldn't eat or drink anything since most likely I was going to have surgery tomorrow.  I tried to sleep, but it's pretty difficult with an IV hanging out of your arm.  At 4:00 am the fun began.  Vital signs and more blood work.  This phlebotomist blew yet another vein but finally got enough blood for the tests.  The surgeon arrived before 8:00 am to discuss my options.  We decided on surgery and was scheduled for noon.

The anesthesiologist arrived around 8:45am and we went over all of the concerns that I had as well as the details of the surgery and the anesthesia.  I was scared mostly about the tube going down my throat and fear of feeling it.  I thought my fears were allayed until he mentioned that they would be coming to get me for surgery in a few minutes.  What happened to noon?  There was a cancellation and my surgery was scheduled for 9:30.  There was no time to panic.  I was taken down to the OR and given anxiety medications.  The last thing I remember was taking a few deep breaths into an oxygen mask and then waking up in recovery.

I thought that I had only been out for about 30 seconds, but instead it had been almost an hour and the surgery was complete, which I was made painfully aware of.  My belly was killing me.  They got me to my room before noon where Sam and my dad were waiting.  Got lots of pain meds, took a short nap and then just waited.  I successfully managed to do okay with both the clear and liquid diet and was moved to regular food by dinner.

I cannot say how appreciate I have been of all the well wishes and all the people who care about me and prayed for me.  I posted many updates on facebook and got more comments than I ever have.  Shelly, Joe and Shayna came to visit me, which was awesome.  Sam has been the best through all of this.  He has slept in a recliner for two nights in a row and has taken care of my every need.

I should see the surgeon soon and should hopefully be discharged later this afternoon.  My mom is on a flight from Dallas and should be here soon.  I know it has been hard for her not to be with me.  The nursing staff has been amazing, making sure that I am out of pain.  I cannot tell you how painful this has been.  Getting up out of bed has been awful.  I feel like my abdominal muscles are being completely ripped out.  Thank goodness that I have lost 90 pounds or I don't know how I would've gotten through this.

Now onto recovery.  I'm a little scared to be at home, worried that something might happen and the hospital staff won't be around.  I have no idea when I'll get to return to work, hopefully by next week.  We're supposed to go to NYC next Wednesday for a wedding, but I don't know if we'll be able to unless I'm completely healed.  I've heard mixed results on when I'll be recovered - anywhere from 1-6 weeks.  

So I'm officially down one body part.  I got through my first surgery and hospitalization with flying colors.  I look forward to getting out of the hospital.  This past week was one of the most stressful of my life, so a hospitalization was just the icing on the cake, the most horrible cap to an awful week.  The timing is awful, I have so much work to do next week and hate missing out on my patients.

The ironic part of this whole thing is that I was at this hospital on Friday seeing a patient and spent about 4 1/2 hours with his family.  I left here at 6:00 pm and returned at 8:00 pm to be admitted myself.  My patient is still here so maybe I'll visit him before my discharge, but probably not.

As much as I don't update this blog very often, I thought it would be smart to record this for posterity.  I can't thank my friends and family enough and I want to thank the nursing staff - Jen in the ER, Lissy, April and Susan.  I only post their names so I don't forget when I'm writing a thank you note once I'm home.  I'll keep everyone posted on my recovery.

Quarterly Updates?

So try as I may to update this more often, apparently I suck at this. At least I can try to make a quarterly update post. What's been going on with us? Lots! Our lives are increasingly busy and we're making major changes - both to the house and ourselves.

Let's start with the house. As of today, 2 bedrooms and a bathroom have been repainted. We finally got furniture last month - a new bed, couches for downstairs and a huge sectional for upstairs. We have approximately 1 room completely finished. Lucky for all of our guests that the one room is the guest bedroom. So whenever you're ready, come visit.

In March, after a birthday trip for Sam to New Orleans, we got the dogs back from Sam's parents. Mitzi, Janie and Bass are getting used to us while we're getting used to them. Unfortunately attempts at having them meet the cats has been downright scary. We're trying to train the dogs but it's not the easiest thing in the world. We first have to convince Mitzi that we're in charge.

Sam in New Orleans

My mom and the dogs

The dogs waiting to go outside

Late in March we built raised garden beds in the backyard and in the beginning of April we planted. We have 7 different types of tomatoes, three types of peppers - Bell, Cubanelle and Sweet, Yellow Squash, Patty Pan Squash, Zucchini, Cantaloupe, Cucumber, Basil, Parsley, Green Beans, Jalapenos and Habaneros. Check back in June when it's time to harvest.


The Garden


On April 1st, Sam and I began a new weight loss program through the Austin Diagnostic Clinic. My weight had gotten out of control and I decided it was time to do something about it. Prior to starting the program, I went to my new gynecologist. I know, I know - too much information. But if you really know me, then you know that Sam and I have been trying to have a baby for the past three years but for some reason by body doesn't like to have regular periods. Horrible doctors in NYC just told me that I was too fat. Well, the gynecologist here - who I absolutely love! - diagnosed me with having PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Basically what this means is that my body isn't ovulating due to somewhat raised insulin levels as well as higher testosterone levels than normal. However, my doc is excited that I am doing the ADC program and feels that once I get down to a more healthy weight there is no reason for me not to be able to get pregnant. So until then she put me on birth control to lower my testosterone and to make sure that we don't get pregnant before my body is ready.

So far the diet program is going great - I've lost about 50 pounds and started exercising regularly. Sam bought us bikes as an anniversary present and after almost 19 years of being away from a bike, getting back on was like...well, riding a bike. To increase our support system, Shelly and Joe are doing the diet program with us and are both doing great!

Last weekend Sam and I celebrated our five year wedding anniversary. I can't believe how fast five years has gone by. It seems like in a blink of an eye. We went to Galveston for the weekend and took many romantic walks on the beach.


Galveston


So now that I've told way too much about our lives, at least you're all caught up. We're both still incredibly glad to be back in Austin. We're both loving our jobs and enjoying seeing our family's a lot more. Love to you all!

Updates

So apparently I've been MIA as of late. You know what they say about good intentions...

I have lots and lots of updates to share.

#1 Sam bought me a new car (we'll share payments, but it makes me feel better to say he bought it for me) - it's a blue Honda CR-V and it's awesome!!!
The Blue Bomb

#2 I had a birthday in January and turned another year older (imagine that!)
Cake by Shelly (decoration by Joe)

#3 Have I mentioned that Sam moved home on December 19th - permanently!

#4 I love my job and my job loves me (it's a nice change)

#5 Things are moving along with our house - our kitchen has been put together and we painted the guest bathroom and the guest bedroom. We even picked out our furniture and can't wait to move onto the next step.

#6 The holiday gifts are still not complete - I hope to have the last of them done by next week (since I'm hopefully getting together with one of my bestest friends!)

#7 The holiday gifts were a hit (kinda) - the boys gifts were awesome (except for Carlos' which didn't fit) and the gals gifts were nifty except that no one has used them because they all think that they're too pretty
Hats for Boys

Spa gear for girls (all handmade)

#8 I handmade a new wreath for our front door (more of my transition to Martha)

#9 I learned how to make candy (not the best thing for my diet)

#10 Sam and I have begun cooking at home lots and lots (super good for my diet)

#11 I'm addicted to farmers markets and locally grown food, etc.

#12 I'm gonna grow a garden full of fruits and veggies (unless the bunnies eat everything)

#13 I've started growing basil, oregano and parsley and can't wait to use it

#14 I've been incredibly crafty and have started creating my own things without patterns

And the coolest change:

I have a new blog for all of my crafty goodness! I've realized that I spend way too much time posting pictures of my latest crocheted creations and not enough time speaking my mind, talking about my life and providing a place for family and friends to keep track of me.

My goal is to update both of them on a more regular basis. I realize that I have a lot to say and want to get it down. Also, I'm hoping that the crochet stuff will eventually turn into a small side business to supplement my poor social worker salary.

So as you'll notice when you venture over to the new blog - it is not linked to this one. That is for personal reasons. I'm hoping that the crafty blog will be more public and this one will stay a bit more private. So basically, the only people that will know that I have both of them will be my loyal reader(s) of Gracefully Social!

Okay, for all of your reading goodness - please check out:

http://creativeandcraftastic.blogspot.com

Bookmark it! I'm always looking for new ideas for crafts, so feel free to comment or make requests!

I've lost my motivation...

Can you help me find it? The holiday gifts are more or less complete (sorry out of towners, yours will be New Years gifts) and I've lost all motivation to keep creating. I put so much energy into the gifts and now that it's done, I don't know what to do with myself. I want to be warm and snuggled in my bed. I need my vacation already, I've had a tough three weeks with a coworker in Fiji and having to cover her caseload plus 16 new admissions (that's a lot!). My train went full steam ahead for so long that eventually I fizzled out. Take right now for an example: I'm sitting in the parking lot of a nursing home and need to go in and see 1 patient but I don't want to. I've been sitting here for 45 minutes. I even took a nap!!

I have a busy week and a tight schedule to adhere to but I don't care. I'm tired. My schedule was all screwed up yesterday when I spent 4 hours with a patient and family. Four hours!! And he wasn't even on the schedule for yesterday. He took the place of 5 people that I somehow have to see today.

I'm just drained, and tired, and looking forward to the holidays with friends and family. I need a strong boost of energy- maybe Starbucks can help! I need a nap. I need something just don't know what it is.

Happy Holidays to all of you! I'll post pictures of all of the gifts after they have been given out. Don't want to ruin any surprises! On a lighter note, it slipped my mind to mention that my sweet husband has returned to Austin permanently and boy do we have a lot of catching up to do after exactly 90 days apart. Love and warm wishes for a wonderful holiday season. Gonna muster up the strength to head inside to visit my patient now...

I'm Martha Effin' Stewart!

It just hit me, I've turned into a grandma, or a mom, and I don't even have kids yet. I buy mom magazines like Family Circle (going on my 5th year of subscriptions), Real Simple, Martha Stewart's magazine and lots and lots of cooking magazines. I would rather shop at Michael's or Hobby Lobby than any clothing store. I find myself buying decorating magazines even though I'm pretty far from beginning to redo my house (gotta have paint, floors and furniture for that!). I'm creative and want to do things myself. I loved painting our bedroom and the bathroom (well half of it). I have curtains up, which is a big change from sheets over the windows or plastic mini-blinds. I mean, I crochet for G-d's sake! Even my mom calls it my geriatric hobby.

But what really gets me is the big decision that I recently made. While reading Martha Stewart (I know - nothing says geriatric better than that!) I was excited to learn of some "do it yourself" gifts. It was something that I would actually use and knew that my friends and family would also use it too. Who knew that making gifts for people would be so time-consuming and soooo expensive. But I'm half-way through with all of the gifts so I have to see it through.

Lucky for Sam that I'm so damn creative and ambitious. All he has to do is sign his name to the cards. And that's okay, I've been keeping receipts and he will be reimbursing me for "supplies". And did I mention that I'm really going overboard with these gifts? I don't even recall a year where we gave gifts to all of our friends. I just hope that we're not laughed at for giving homemade gifts. I just feel that we're starting over this year for the holidays. Sam will be back home (finally! - oops, secret's out!!), we're reunited with friends and family and we're back in our home. Basically, life is no longer on hold. So why not celebrate with hours and hours of prepping holiday gifts. And there's nothing like getting started during the second week of the month when the holidays are just around the corner.

So, this is a proclamation to our friends and family who read this (all 3, maybe 4 of you), please accept our gifts for what they're meant to be - a gesture of love and thoughtfulness. Don't make fun of them if they're not too pretty, just remember the thought behind it.

Well, enough of a rant for me. Gotta get back to creating. I would give hints, but lucky for all of you, it's close enough to the holidays that you can just wait! Well, except for you, mom. You already know what I got you. T-minus 10 more days to complete 10 more gifts. I'm on it!!

The Shortest (or Longest) Recap in History!

Okay, so I need to recap the last three months so that I can start anew and actually start writing about current events. So, here goes...

Came home on August 23rd to a trashed house. Took pictures of said trashiness and alerted renters they would not be getting their deposit back. Anger ensued, which resulted in several e-mails and certified letters being traded via negotiations. Have 300+ pictures of damages to home, yet still agreed to pay her $200 to get her to go away and not take us to court. Looking back, we should have gone to court.

Painted the bedroom a lovely shade of chocolate brown. Ran out of time to paint the other bedroom and bathroom that said renter pained electric blue! Lived with tape on the walls for two weeks until my parents graciously came over to help me take it down. Carlye is helpless without her Sam. Have three color squares painted on the living room wall as we were deciding which color looked best. Three months later it is still there and the other remaining rooms have yet to be painted.

Boxes arrived two weeks after promised. Only a few broken pieces and a lot of headache for me, still have yet to file a claim for a new desk and lamp. At least our stuff is finally here. Had to change the locks and attempted to re-grow the grass as it had been trampled and murdered by the stupid renters. Man do I regret not just selling the house! Living as a single gal since Sam was called back to NYC.

After 25 days apart, Sam returned for a short visit, only to get strep throat which increased his visit to over a week (yay!), which was mostly spent resting and unpacking a few boxes. Every room still filled with boxes and it doesn't feel like home. Rescued a kitten from possible demise thanks to coyote in my parents' neighborhood. Named her Ka-T (Katie) and the boys have adjusted well to having her here.
Ka-T and a crocheted hat

Started my new job on September 8th. A little disappointed but it's growing on me. Glad to be back in the field making a difference. Not glad to be putting close to 400 miles on my Red Rocket each week. Have a huge caseload and am a little overwhelmed but like getting paid, no matter how small the checks.

Able to reconnect with two life-long friends. Enjoying hanging with Amanda and Rhylan (and the reclusive Chris) and loved getting together with Shayna and family. So glad that I'll be spending more time with them and that their children will actually know me. Hopefully they'll know Sam too, but he has to return home first.
Me and Shayna
Me and Maddie

Got affectionate nickname from Rhylan (Curry!), which lasted a week or two until she began saying my name correctly, well, correctly for her (Car-Wee). Am a little sad that the nickname didn't stick. Oh well... At least she loves the blanket I made for her and loves to get "cozy" in it.
Me and Amanda
Rhylan and her Blanket

Love spending every Saturday with Shelly and Joe watching the Longhorns play. Disappointed to spend one Saturday away from them and with my mom, which caused Texas to lose to Texas Tech! Enjoying cooking with Shelly. Not enjoying making macaroni and cheese at home for me (it's hard to cook healthy for one). Had a great time going to Texas wineries for Shelly's birthday - can't go wrong with a limo ride and free booze. Loving most of my co-workers and missing some of my old ones.
The gang at the vineyard

Enjoying spending weekends with my mom although that will come to an end when Sam is here permanently. Tired of fielding questions as to the date of Sam's return and to the status of a new job for him. Answer: "I don't know!".

Missing Sam terribly. Missing friends in New York. Sad that I missed the birth of Mateo to Stacey and Carlos. At least the care package arrived to them in time. Got to make Stacey cry with the scrapbook I made her. Made Sam almost tearful with the scrapbook I made him.
Mateo and his blanket
First attempt at baby booties and baby hat

Can't really think of anything else. Still crocheting up a storm. Made a blanket for my grandma which she liked but commented that it didn't "match anything". Finishing a toy for Sam, several scarves and another blanket for Mateo. Still need to re-do the blankets for Shayna's kids and start the blanket for my mom. Several requests to teach my friends how to crochet. Need to stop buying yarn. Need to get faster at crocheting so I can be more productive.
Grandma's blanket

Sam will be here on Saturday for ten days. Looking forward to heading to Louisiana for Thanksgiving with the family. Hoping to actually paint the bathroom and hang the curtains. Haven't seen Sam in seven weeks and am not sure I remember what he looks like.

Okay, now I'm officially done! (I think!) Gonna get ready for work and start cleaning the house in preparation for Sam's return. Later gators!

New Beginnings

On August 20th, Sam and I woke up on the floor at our Bay Ridge Parkway abode, finished cleaning the apartment, well, most of it, packed up the Red Rocket with a couple of suitcases, wedding albums, and Lucky and Blue and said goodbye to Brooklyn. We got on the road about 6 hours after I wanted to (who knew that we wouldn't be finished in time to leave by 6am) armed with snacks, a case of water and mapquest directions in case Frieda, the GPS screwed us again.

But let me backtrack two days. So I decided to hire movers to shlep all of our worldly possessions to Austin instead of renting a U-Haul. It was cheaper and we would be able to have the freedom to take the cats with us and not worry about driving a big 'ol truck. So I agreed to the cheapest company without researching anything. Hindsight is 20/20 and of course I know better now, but I had no idea and for some reason Sam trusted me to do it on my own. The day before the movers were scheduled to arrive, we did not get a confirmation call. We called them and did not get an answer. This is when I got nervous. I googled the company and found that they did business under another name and that other name had 40+ negative issues on the Better Business Bureau. This was getting really worrisome. I was tearful and so disappointed in myself and was scared that we would never see our things again. This company had their license revoked a number of times and had horrible reviews. I received a message from the moving company later that night reporting that they would not be there at 9:00 am as was scheduled and would in fact not be there until 2:00 pm. It was already going poorly and they hadn't even picked up our stuff. I couldn't sleep, my stomach was in knots. At 4:00 am, I had enough. I continued to google the company and got even more poor reviews. At this point I was crying hysterically. The next morning, I handed Sam the phone and asked him to call the movers and cancel. I told him of my gut feeling and he agreed.

After a bit of an altercation with the moving company, Sam was able to cancel. After calling my credit card to dispute the $200 deposit from the original movers, I was able to call another moving company and set up a pick up for that afternoon. I was so glad that it wouldn't delay our departure on Wednesday. The movers were great - they were on time, they were fast and they made me feel like I made the right decision. At least they were still endorsed by the BBB!

Now back to the road trip!

Sam and I had so much fun in the car for three days! The cats were amazing! We got hourly meows from Lucky who appeared to be making sure that we still knew he was there. They were quiet and slept most of the trip. Day 1 ended in Hickory, North Carolina with Jen and James. We arrived around 9:00 pm, only 4 hours later than I wanted. Sam's fast driving made up some time. It was so good to see them and the cats acclimated to their bathroom quite well, even eating a little and going to the bathroom. The next morning, we got ready, scooped the cats back into the carrier, re-loaded the car and got on the road. I'll mention that we were able to actually take showers (packing the shower curtain on Monday evening didn't allow for showers) and change into clean clothes.

We arrived in Memphis at Michael and Alice's around 5:00 pm, got the cats settled in their very own room and headed to Gus' Fried Chicken where I proceeded to flood the bathroom before chowing down on spicy chicken and great southern sides. We stayed up late drinking beer and crocheting (I did the latter) and enjoyed our time with our friends. Friday morning, we gathered the cats (seeing a pattern here), reloaded the car and headed out on the road to Houston. We arrived to Sam's parents house around 5:00 pm (that seems a convenient time for us) to a waiting U-Haul that we (and by "we", I mean, Sam, Joe, Brian and Stew) loaded with all of our possessions stored at the Levine house. The plan was to have a little dinner and hit the road so we could get home Friday night. Needless to say, we needed sleep more than we needed to be in Austin that night. We enjoyed the Mexican dinner, hung with the family, got to see Brenda and Eran's new house, got some much needed sleep and hit the road at 6:00 am (finally, we left somewhere at 6:00 am!). We arrived in Austin (well, Pflugerville) on Saturday morning. It was such a relief to be home. I settled in the cats and did a visual inspection of the house. I was so disappointed that the renters left in poor condition but I'll get to that in another post. Little Joe, Big Joe, Brent and Shelly came by to help Sam unload the U-Haul into the garage (I think it took 20 minutes) and then we had some breakfast with the old crew from Austin. Did I mention it felt good to be home.

We now had one week to get the house together before my new job started and before Sam had to go back to New York.

I think I'll leave all of that for another time. It feels good to be back on the blog-wagon! Hopefully I'll continue to write...

Thank you all for waiting patiently for my latest installment.

Stay Tuned...

So I've been MIA for almost two months. So much to tell and share. So many new and exciting things.

I'm hoping to have some time on Sunday to sit down and recount the last couple of months. Our drive to Austin, the moving debacle, my new job, Sam's return to NYC and our newest family member.

Love to you all. Thank you for your patience.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled web surfing...

Updates...

Well, I walked into work this morning with a medium chip on my shoulder. I was met with some really awesome news that made all of the crap almost worth it. Our team was accepted to present at a national conference next March. Why is this exciting? Because the conference is in Austin!!!! They're still going to let me help write the presentation so that I'll finally get to be published and I'll get to see my team next March.

Back to the other good things today. They held a lovely luncheon in my honor where I received a card that was signed by everyone! Lots of my coworkers sat and had lunch with me instead of stopping by to grab some food. It was actually nice. I delivered my cards to everyone that had our new contact information with a handwritten note to all of my coworkers which was well-received. Even though they suck, at least I know that I'm definitely being the bigger person and thanking everyone for the opportunity and the impact that they had on my life and career.

I was able to finish cleaning out my desk and all of my worldly possessions from the last three years have been transported home in two very heavy boxes. I have a few more patients to see, several things to follow-up on, but it looks like I'll be done around 1:00 pm on Friday. I am so relieved that I'm leaving with a strong feeling of pride for the work that I have done.

They'll miss me when I'm gone. They'll realize how awesome I was once I'm gone and they'll feel bad for treating me poorly. And I'll be laughing while I'm happy at home in Austin. Good-bye MJHS! It's been real and it's been fun but it ain't been real fun!

Thanks to everyone for the support, especially Marie who created a note to send to my employers that expressed my displeasure.

Now I'm Glad We're Leaving

I am such a loser. Seriously! All of the good feelings towards my agency and co-workers were completely obliterated this evening. I thought I was respected. I thought I had friends. Now I know different. I had a going away party tonight. I sent a lovely e-mail to all of my co-workers inviting them to a happy hour tonight to celebrate my tenure at the agency and celebrate the move to Texas. Hell, I even thanked each of them for being my colleagues/mentors/friends!

I chose to have this party tonight because all of the hospice IDT's (inter-disciplinary team) are on Tuesdays. Every single person that I work with is at the office on Tuesdays. I chose to have the happy hour at a location that was near the office. I invited all 88 of my coworkers.

I didn't expect a big group of people to come but I assumed that I would at least have my close friends there. I however did not expect the reception that I received.

Two people! Two fucking coworkers showed up! Not two of my friends, not even two from my department, two random women that I'm not all that friendly with.

Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?

I feel worthless. I feel like that last three years have meant nothing. I feel like I gave them all I had and they gave me nothing. They didn't even care. This whole thing has not been a good experience.

I'm completely devastated and am thankful that there are only three more days left. How depressing. How sad. How un-fucking-believable. Did I mention that I'm shocked?

Now the real question is: how the hell do I act tomorrow when I go into the office? I want to point people out with a chorus of "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you" but I won't. I don't know what I'll do. Should I even go to work? Should I even attend the luncheon tomorrow in my honor that I'm sure that no one will show up for? Should I even be upset about this? Will it matter?

I know that I won't ever see these people again, but I can't help feeling absolutely devastated! I'm crushed! Hopefully tomorrow will be another day and things will be better, but this whole fucking thing just puts such a bad taste in my mouth.

I'm gonna watch some mindless television to take my mind off of this...

Saying Goodbye

I'm sure that you guys are getting tired of my woeful, sad, laments about leaving NYC, but this is hard...and emotional. I thought it would be easy but the reality of the situation is hitting me like a ton of bricks. It's also hitting me pretty hard that we're not done packing, our apartment looks like a tornado blew through, we don't have someone lined up to take our apartment and I still have one more week of work.

Sam and I were able to have yet another "stay-cation" at the landlord's apartment in Manhattan so that we could properly say goodbye to the city. We invited our closest friends for a NYC-Ya Later(!) going away party. Although the turnout was small, the love was huge! We felt incredibly special and were very emotional at the thought of leaving our friends behind. We reminisced about the last four years, told stories of when we met and shared our fondest memories. As much as I would love to go into all of the major details of our last four years, I thought that I would share our memories in pictures. I've decided that we should take some of our favorite pictures of NYC, convert them to black and white, enlarge them and hang them in our house to remind us of the life we led in NYC. For your enjoyment, these are our top thirteen. Just so we know that you're out there reading, please comment as to your favorite four pictures (by number!). Thank you my loyal readers. I promise that future blogs will chronicle our adventure from Brooklyn to Austin.

1. Chrysler Building


2. Imagine Mosaic (Central Park)


3. Statue of Liberty


4. Brooklyn Bridge


5. Chrysler Building


6. A Brooklyn Water Tower


7. World's Fair Globe (Arthur Ashe Stadium - Queens)


8. Picasso on NYU Campus


9. Empire State Building


10. Empire State Building


11. Flatiron Building


12. Empire State Building


13. Three Bridges (Brooklyn, Manhattan, Williamsburg)



Now only pick four my friends! But pick some and let me know. This will assist my decorating and it's nice to know who's out there.

Emotions Running Rampant

I always pictured the day that I would quit this job. It would be liberating. I would give my letter and my supervisor would cry. It would be passed around the administrative team with gasps of shock and tears of sadness. They would beg me to stay and offer me thousands of dollars. They would tell me that they could not function without me and offer to fly me back and forth to Austin so that I could move home and keep my job.

And then I woke up.

What really happened?

I presented my supervisor with my well-written letter of resignation. She read it over and commented on how nicely written it was. She then walked me to Human Resources. The HR lady was lunching so the letter was put on her desk (after telling her that it was there). Next step was to tell the Director of Clinical Services. Her response: "Oh crap!" which was followed by, "that's probably not what you wanted to hear is it?" I followed this with, "well it's better than 'thank God'!" After the requisite questions of "where are you going? Why are you leaving? Who are you working for?" it was time for me to figure out which patients I was seeing over the next four weeks and how I was planning to terminate. Terminate. That's a strange word to use with dying patients. Usually in hospice jobs, termination is very easy. The patients do it for you - they die! Most of my patients aren't dying anytime soon, so I had to tell them that I was leaving and go over all of the positive work that we have done. Then I have to figure out how to answer the question, "Who will my new social worker be?". Unfortunately the answer to that is "um, I don't know". We tend to be short staffed on a normal day, but now I'm leaving my dear coworker alone in our program, to fend off approximately 160 patients.

I assumed that like my predecessors before me, an e-mail or voice mail would be sent out to all of the staff with the sad news of my departure. Unfortunately that e-mail didn't go out until this past Monday, a full two weeks after I resigned. Guess they were in denial about my leaving. At that point, most already knew that I was leaving and it didn't seem like it was a really big deal. I guess I was pretty vocal about wanting to eventually return home.

As of today, I have a breakfast scheduled in my honor next Tuesday morning and a lunch in my honor next Wednesday afternoon. It's nice to be recognized. As of today, they have not even begun interviewing anyone to take my place. My colleague and I begged for extra help for the last six months (at least) and even when one of us leaves, it still does not get them working towards getting some help. Oh well, it's not my problem anymore, right?

Now back to termination. It has been hard. First of all, it's really hard to tell people that I'm leaving - it really doesn't fit easily into conversations. I've had to lead in with "I have some news to share" before the session even gets started. I've been met with anger and frustration but mostly with sadness (which is nice to hear). I'm surprised that my patients were so attached to me. But what is most surprising is my reactions. I am so sad to leave my patients. Most of my patients I have been working with for a long time, a few of them two years, so it's hard to say goodbye. I feel like I'm letting them down by leaving. I feel like I've been traveling along this road with them through chemotherapy, radiation, depression, pain, sadness and strife and I'm leaving before the very end. But I also know that I have given them so much of me that they have new strength to get through their next chapter with. Does that make sense?

I'm devastated to leave a few of my colleagues (a few!) and worry about how they will be treated in the future. At least my supervisor is taking up some of the slack by taking over some of my patients. Several other social workers have been more than willing to help out as well. Where were they over the last six months when we needed them, but I can't worry about that now.

Aside from seeing all of my patients, I have spent so much time organizing all of my stuff in my desk. I have catalogued research articles that I've been given over the years, I've made binders that contain resources that I can take with me, I have copies of all of the forms and documents that I have created and many, many books. I'm almost done and I think that my desk will take at least two large boxes to store all of my stuff. It's crazy - this was my first "real" job after grad school. This has been my home for almost three years, but I know that it is time for me to move on and spread my wings. My friends from work have all already left - I was the last of them. I was the last social worker from the previous regime. Now they are free to hire someone who will be less outspoken and irritated!

The tears have been free-flowing, which has been shocking to me because for the most part - I don't cry. To paraphrase what my supervisor said to me yesterday, "you have a very hard exterior, we didn't think you could be so soft on the inside". That's me, all ooey gooey and squishy. I thought they knew! At least everyone is taking the opportunity to tell me how great I am. Maybe if they had done more of that over the last year, I wouldn't be so adamant that it's time to leave.

So, I have seven days of work left and five more patients to terminate with. I've left the hardest for the end...

Wish me luck!

You Can Take the Girl Outta Texas...

...but four years later she'll run like hell to get back there.

Two weeks ago Sam and I made a visit to Austin for one purpose - to interview for jobs. Sorry to our friends and family who thought we were coming to visit you. You were an added bonus. A couple weeks before we left for Austin, I sent out about 20 resumes. Two days later I got calls requesting interviews. I was able to set up several interviews for the week that we were home to keep my busy while Sam was working.

We touched down in Houston and were picked up by Papa Stew. A quick trip to What-A-Burger and we were reunited with our three bouncing puppies. Fourth of July was somewhat uneventful. Grilling burgers, watching the boys smoke cigars, watching fireworks on TV. Saturday was spent with Brenda and family, taking the kids swimming while I crocheted near the pool.

Eran and the little Yaeli-fish

Eran and Yoni

We headed to Austin on Sunday and had dinner with Shelly & Joe. Monday consisted of hanging with the parents in the afternoon and then our one night only happy hour at Trudy's. I couldn't wait to get my hands on some chips and queso and the fajitas weren't bad either. It was so nice to see all of our friends and share with them that I would be interviewing this week. Everyone was so hopeful that we would make it home soon.

I had interviews on Tuesday and Thursday. Both went well and I was even asked back for a second interview for one of them. I was somewhat disappointed that no one offered me a job on the spot (don't these people know who I am?!) but I guess that was just a bit unrealistic. So, needless to say I returned to Brooklyn without a new job.

Being home for a week really increased our yearning to return to Austin. Not to mention that our renters are moving out at the end of their lease (July 31st) and we don't want to leave our house vacant again. We were so excited to see parking lots (laugh if you must), driveways, grocery stores, malls, and all you can eat BBQ at the Salt Lick. Oh how we've missed out by living in NYC. Ha!

So, fast forward to last Thursday. We'd been back from Texas for five days and I still hadn't been offered a job. I received an e-mail from one of the places that I interviewed wanting to know what our plans were to come home. I reminded her that our coming home was contingent on getting a job (duh!). However, I heard from two of my friends that they received calls from one of the places I interviewed with for references. That has to be a good sign, right? Well, it definitely was. Last Thursday I got a call from the place that I wanted to work offering me a position.

After a call to Sam to see if I could take it, I contacted the manager and was able to negotiate a better salary and accepted the job. My start date is September 2nd (or possibly September 8th given that they only start orientation on Mondays). This last Monday I resigned from my position as an overworked palliative care social worker. After thirty-three months it was bittersweet to tell them I quit. I couldn't wait to do it but then I felt excessive guilt and sadness because I felt like I was letting them down.

My last day at my job is August 15th and then we hit the dusty trail on August 20th. We're hiring movers for the big stuff so that we can drive the Red Rocket along with the cats, Lucky and Blue to Texas. We've already mapped out our journey and are really excited. We leave Brooklyn on Wednesday and will head 10 hours to Hickory, North Carolina to stay with Jen & James. Then Thursday morning we'll head 9 hours to the west to Memphis to stay with Mike and Alice. Friday morning will be our last leg as we head to Houston, Texas, to either pick up Sam's truck or a u-haul truck with our stored items at Sam's parents house and then off to Austin. That still gives us another week before I start my job.

This is so exciting that I can't even contain myself. As if we didn't already know that it was time to leave NYC and head home, this morning the Red Rocket was broken into, resulting in a smashed passenger window that I didn't find until early this afternoon (I was working from home this morning). Luckily there was nothing in there for them to take, but it was a little violating to look out the window and see my missing window and people just walking by it like it was no big deal. Luckily Sam came home and went with me to have the window replaced (which was a really nice experience).

So the countdown is on - only 3 1/2 weeks before we head home and we can't wait! NYC has been fun, but it's time to go.

A few things that we want to do before we leave (you'd think we'd have done these things over four years but alas, we did not):
MoMa
Top of the Rock
Bronx Zoo
Metropolitan Museum of Art
Brooklyn Bridge Promenade
City Island
Yankee Game
Fireworks at Coney Island
Phantom of the Opera

Wish us luck on getting this stuff done. We can always come back to visit, right?

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

In June, Sam and I were excited to share our Brooklyn hovel with Sam's sister, Brenda. We had a few days of our big sister, sans her husband and kids. Not that I don't love the hubby and kids, but ever since Sam and I have been together, Brenda and I only hung out once prior to our wedding and prior to the addition of the Yoni and Yaeli. Since she lived in Israel for so long, I lost out on the opportunity to bond with my new sister prior to her moving back to the states and us moving to NYC. This was a fantastic opportunity to get to know Brenda just a bit better.

First we introduced Brenda to Brooklyn diners and famous egg creams (I think she's hooked!). Sam got to spend all of Friday with his sister while I was working. They went to the South Street Seaport and stood in line to get us theater tickets!!! I met them for lunch at Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs in Coney Island. Sam and Brenda rode the Cyclone and we walked along the boardwalk. We even watched a segment of some sort of food show being filmed with Ted Allen (who's very short in person).


Is Brenda tall enough to ride?


The Famous Cyclone

We were able to get home and changed and made it to Times Square right on time to see...Spamalot! We were all so excited. This was the only show that Sam and Brenda wanted to see and I was just along for the ride. I honestly have to say that this was the best Broadway show that I have seen in all my years of being a theater connoisseur. I think that I could see it over and over.


The Spamalot Theater


Brenda & I at the theater

Following the show, we had dinner at Junior's and came home with tons of cheesecake. We of course had more famous egg creams and pastrami sandwiches. Nothing says New York City better than that! It was so nice to share our love of cheesecake with our sister and to show her the best in the world.

Saturday was "shop till you drop" day. Brenda and I both needed new clothes and shoes and stuff and dragged Sam along to Long Island to hold our purses. It's so nice to have a shopping buddy, especially when we can both laugh about looking like a common hooker in summer clothes (Right Brenda?)! I treated Brenda to pedicures complete with awesome massage chairs and matching flip-flops. The worst part of the day was the two-hour drive home through flooded Long Island highways.

Brenda's trip was short, but made just a little longer by her canceled flight home on Sunday night. Monday morning she was headed home, back to the life of a mommy and wife. We enjoyed her separation from her family and her surprise birthday trip. And if we didn't have enough of Brenda, we'll see her in Houston in a couple of weeks!

Vacationing in Manhattan

Well kids, when it rains it pours. We have been busy this weekend and I want to capture it all before I forget. Not that I'll be able to forget!

Ever wonder how the other half lives? Well, we got to find out this weekend. Our dear landlord, who we'll call "Charlie" helped out with our finding out. A little background: We have the coolest landlord. He lives in Miami, we've never met him, he pays me to show apartments and we have a great friendship. Did I mention that I've never met him? Anyway, he keeps an apartment in midtown but never uses it. He has told me on many occasions that we were welcome to "borrow" it any time.

So, we were invited to the Big Apple BBQ Block Party this past weekend to convene at Madison Square Park. It just so happens that our landlord has an apartment a couple of blocks from Madison Square Park. Everyone see where I'm going with this? I called up Charlie and asked him if it was available this weekend. I told him that it would be really cool to be able to get out of the heat for a while and stay overnight since we were seeing a Broadway show on Sunday. He said "of course"! We were given the address and told to get the keys from the doorman and to pick up the sheets and towels from the valet and to have a great time!

Sam and I met up with Carlos on Saturday afternoon and went to the building. The doorman was really nice and gave us keys and had us sign in. Charlie had forwarded a note with my name (+husband) so there was no problem at all. We took the elevator to the 47th floor and checked out the apartment. It was beautiful! Very new, very spacious and very simple. Great stereo system, big TV, comfy couch and a terrace overlooking downtown Manhattan from the 47th freakin' floor!


The Terrace looking East to Brooklyn

Charlie also told me that there was a roof deck that was accessible to anyone in the building. We would check that out later, but first - BBQ!!

Sam and I were on a mission. We wanted Texas BBQ and representatives from the Salt Lick from Austin would be on hand. We waited in the long-ass line in the 90+ degree heat for what seemed like forever. My super smart husband decided that he needed to wear a Texas Longhorn shirt so we could represent! After about 20-30 minutes in line (on line?) we were tapped on the shoulders and told to "step over that hay bale and have a seat. We're gonna get you some food". I had no idea what was going on. We crossed the hay bale and sat down with some other people from the line who were wearing UT clothes.

This is where the $35,000 University of Texas education finally started paying off. We were given free food, free beer, free drinks and great seats under a shady tree. We were treated to rib samples from other pit masters while we waited as well. We wanted our friends to taste the Salt Lick too and asked our hostess Amy if she would get us two plates if we paid for them. Her response? "If you guys want more plates, I'll get you more plates". When I asked her if I could buy some water, she brought me two Sprites (they were out of water) and told me not to worry about it. When Carlos found us in our little BBQ haven, he was able to cross the hay bale and was treated to Salt Lick sausage and brisket as well. It pays to be a Texan!


Hook 'Em Horns


Mmm, Salt Lick

Following our Salt Lick lunch, we left the block party, stopped to get some beer and headed up to the roof. Holy shit! That's all I could really say. 360 degree views of Manhattan. The Empire State Building was so close it was like you could touch it. We could see the Hudson, the East River, New Jersey, Brooklyn and downtown Manhattan. It was awesome. We were later joined by Pax, Mary, Marissa, Meagan, Blayne and Brian for an evening of picture taking, cigar smoking and beer drinking. It was phenomenal. We watched the sun set over the city. We ordered in Thai food and fell asleep.


View of the Chrysler Building (my mom's favorite)


Sam and I on the roof


Mary in her Pig Ears


Carlos in the Pig Ears


A closer view of the Chrysler Building


We could almost touch the Empire State Building


The Flatiron Building (My Favorite!)


Skyline at Night (not the greatest picture but you can see the GE building (Rockefeller Center)

Today we treated ourselves to a show. Sam usually hates Broadway shows, but there are two that he is willing to see - Avenue Q and Spamalot. We got great tickets for Avenue Q and loved every minute of the matinee. It was great! I highly recommend it. After the show, we went back to the apartment, packed up our things, brought the sheets and towels back to the doorman to drop off to the valet and headed back to our humble apartment in Brooklyn.

I had a hard time looking at the Empire State Building from street level - it's so much cooler from 50 stories up! We got to see how the other half lives and we want more!!!